Emotional healing, it can't come soon enough.  Some wounds seem to take so long to heal.  The deeper the hurt, the strength of the protective defense mechanisms, the longer the defense mechanisms have been in place, all these seem to be factors in how long it takes to heal from those early childhood wounds.  Half the time, we can't remember; the other half, we don't want to remember.  Why do we get so attached to things that don't work? After 13 or 14 years of therapy, plus 30 years of studying and soul searching, and I am closer than ever before to finding that place of inner peace and balance. The removal/remediation of defense mechanisms has been costly and time consuming, but what else would I be doing?  The process, removing the layers of defenses, is a bit painful, but there is really no way around it.  I don't really think there are short cuts; I think that is the reason it's not a well traveled a road.  For me, however, there is no other road I would rather be on.  Today, in therapy, I came ever closer to comprehending the point/moment when observation transmutes into moralistic judgment.  Or said another way, the experience moves from an awareness of energy into an emotional reaction of "this doesn't feel good"(analyzing/interpretation).  My beloved therapist refers to this "taking it on" or "getting hooked".  If I "feel" hurt, I can pretty well guess I've taken it on (choosen to be offended).

The energy I sense is real.  Energy has both negative and positive charges.  People do project energy to all varying degrees.  How do I stay in the observation mode and keep myself from "judging"/evaluating?  Ahhh.... develop curiosity.  Also, I need to constantly remind myself I am responsible for my choices, others are equally responsible for theirs (even if they don't know it or want to know it).  I am truly only responsible for working with myself.  It's a healthy kind of selfishness.  It's the way to be a better me.  In an exchange with someone I care deeply about, I found myself starting to feel hurt.  I chose to become curios about just what they were trying to communicate with me.  For a while, I did well; I began to see the other more clearly.  Then the hurt returned; I took a few moments alone and asked myself the same question.  I'm curious about why I am choosing to feel hurt?  I had to ask myself a couple of times and remain with the feeling, then the tears and a few old memories came.  I cried.  I was thankful to be able to let a little more of that pain go, and realize it couldn't have been any different, and no one was at fault.  And so, that wound buried so deep inside healed a bit more.  

It's a great question because it's safe; there's no moralistic right/wrong about it.  And what ever the response, it's okay.  I'm curious about why I am choosing to _________.  It is, for me, a gentle probing, with the intent of healing.